Back to work

 I had 5 days off during my miscarriage and then went back for half a day. It was not a productive day. I cried a lot. Stared at my laptop a lot. Nothing really got done.

I then did another half day which was easier and a full day and then thankfully, it was time for a week off. I was clearly not my usual bubbly self but my colleague had told everyone I'd been vomiting so no one asked questions. They just asked if I was feeling better. "Getting there" I'd reply.

The week off was mainly just me sitting on the sofa and eating cookies. I was not better.

Today, I went back again. I'm glad I did those few days before half term. I think it made it easier. It was not easy though. I couldn't bear walking around trying to pretend I was okay. I just wanted to look as miserable as I felt. I decided to ask my boss to email everyone to let them know. I don't want to talk about it but I just want to know that I can walk down the corridor looking like shit and no one will question it or worry or talk about it. It also means that if I run out of the room in tears when anyone talks about one of the three pregnancies, they'll understand rather than thinking I'm a cow.

I'm hoping getting back to work properly will help take my mind off things.

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