It felt like my period was about to start. The cramping. The general rubbish feeling. I'd taken a cheap pregnancy test that morning and it was negative. I wasn't due on for another 4 days. But this month felt different. I couldn't quite shake the feeling that maybe it had finally happened. I started to read through forums to find success stories of people who felt this way and found out they were pregnant. At around 6pm, the need to pee on yet another stick was so strong and I decided to try a more expensive, sensitive one even though it was the evening and still so early. I just knew I should I do it though. So, on the 9th January, I peed on a stick. I'd lost count of how many times I'd done this over the past year. It was always the same result. 1 line. Not pregnant. Except this time, there was a faint line maybe. It wasn't obvious but it was something. I showed Dee who wasn't convinced but I knew. On the Monday, it was a more obvious line. Still faint bu...
September is the month I should have had the baby. I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant which is lovely and I'm grateful and I'm enjoying every minute and wiggle. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm supposed to have a different baby this month. 4 pregnancies were announced around the time I miscarried. 3 of those babies have been born now. Just waiting for number 4. Luckily, no one has used the names I have in mind yet. That's a huge fear of mine. 3 other babies are due around my current due date. What if the names are taken? Names I should be using this month. I feel like I can't say the names out loud either in case it jinxs the whole pregnancy.
I had 5 days off during my miscarriage and then went back for half a day. It was not a productive day. I cried a lot. Stared at my laptop a lot. Nothing really got done. I then did another half day which was easier and a full day and then thankfully, it was time for a week off. I was clearly not my usual bubbly self but my colleague had told everyone I'd been vomiting so no one asked questions. They just asked if I was feeling better. "Getting there" I'd reply. The week off was mainly just me sitting on the sofa and eating cookies. I was not better. Today, I went back again. I'm glad I did those few days before half term. I think it made it easier. It was not easy though. I couldn't bear walking around trying to pretend I was okay. I just wanted to look as miserable as I felt. I decided to ask my boss to email everyone to let them know. I don't want to talk about it but I just want to know that I can walk down the corridor looking like shit and no one wil...
Comments
Post a Comment